Different sources of gratification, varying definitions of success...

by Elle Vatterott, IWM serving in San Antonio, Texas

We live in a society which thrives on instant gratification. The role of technology and readily available information often goes unnoticed, which leaves some people oblivious to this created need for a quick reward or reassurance for their actions.

Before starting my missionary experience I felt relatively prepared to handle the challenges involved in this lifestyle. Yet, when I started to lose focus and energy I had to revaluate my beliefs about success and motivation. Discovering my need for quick and tangible results to feel gratified is something I definitely did not anticipate.

To me, overcoming a weakness or fixing a complex problem generates ultimate satisfaction. Whether it was a teacher’s feedback on a paper or customer’s comment about my service, I have always found pleasure in being able to acknowledge my flaws, and subsequently establishing goals and beginning a plan of action to improve. However, lately it seems that the more problems arise, the more difficult it is to implement solutions. 

In particular I struggle believing that my work, while thoughtful, well researched and meticulously carried out, has made the slightest difference in the children’s lives. It is funny to think about how much I dreaded “report card day” as a child, and now I feel like I need one more than ever.

  

Unfortunately, there are no “quick fixes” to this kind of problem. I want to give and do as much as possible in this short year, but I am quickly learning that what I formally understood as “successful” does not exactly apply to this experience.

Sometimes, when all else fails, I like to go on several “mental vacations” to Peru, Zambia and Mexico. Reflecting upon how each girl’s (missionary's) unique talents and personalities are collectively bringing about such positive and beautiful changes in the world helps me to remain inspired and hopeful.

  

So in the spirit of embracing change and growth, I hope to find contentment in continuing my work joyfully and wholeheartedly without needing instant gratification, but rather in drawing upon my faith as my number one motivation.