By Emma Buckhout, IWM Serving in Santa Fe, Mexico City, Mexico
Saying hello and goodbye is one of the most beautiful rituals of Mexican culture, and also one of the most difficult for North American foreigners. Everyone clasps hands or hugs and cheek-kisses everyone else upon both meeting and leaving. That includes when walking in or out of a room or running into someone on the street. The entirety of a sixty-second encounter may consist of saying hello and goodbye, but that is polite. The custom jars with North American concepts of personal space and rushed time. At first I found it overwhelming and awkward to walk into the full kitchen at the parish and squeeze around the table to greet everyone individually. And goodbyes are never quick. It seems excessive or unnecessary to take the time to hug and kiss everyone that you will see the next day. And yet, I have come to appreciate the attention of these saludos and despedidas. It is personal and meaningful, even if you don’t know the other person well. It seems strange now to omit them and I greet my non-Mexican friends here in the same way.
However, this morning I had the chance to reflect upon how much I still have to learn from this custom. As Tara and I walked back from zumba class we crossed the street to avoid saying hi to a woman I know from the parish who works at a newspaper stand. I wanted to get home and on with the day. I was afraid I would get into a conversation about helping coordinate a class at the parish or just small-talk. Yet I know that not acknowledging acquaintances on the street is considered rude. As I continued to process my decision on the way home I grew increasingly embarrassed. What does it say about me and my priorities if I can’t take even an extra five minutes to say hi to someone on my walk home?
I avoid greeting people sometimes because I am in a rush, but is anything else I have to do possibly more important than fellowshipping, even briefly, with another person? I had a vision of rushing to class in college and running by friends with just a wave because I was always late. I have always struggled with leaving time for random human interactions. Here as a missionary in Santa Fe, even though I am still customarily late, my schedule and the (usually late) Mexican culture provides more grace for stopping with people along the way. And in that stopping to say hello and goodbye, with or without more conversation in between, lies true beauty. It is love. It is worth. It is human dignity. It is appreciation for another. It is sharing a smile. It is giving and receiving energy to go on with the rest of the day. It is the Incarnation. I am thankful that I have another year here to learn more about this part of Incarnation and I hope that I can take it back to the US in my own form.
Hi Emma! I can relate so well, with what you said about saludos and despedidas. I live in San Antonio, Texas, but am from Puerto Rico. My parents were in the Army and after retirement move to Puerto Rico when I was 10. My parents come from very big families and it is a custom to greet all family members with a kiss, and another kiss at the despedida. Before living in Texas, my husband and I lived in New Jersey for four years. We were blessed to have found a Catholic Church that was not only composed of a very big Hispanic community, but the founders were a great majority of Puertorricans, mostly retired Army. We felt like we were with our family. On the other hand, at work, it was a different story. We both worked in a predominantly Caucasian community or Americanos. It was a very different type of saludo / despedida. I found it to be very cold, very unfamiliar, personal space was a new thing for me, and mostly new for my husband, who had never lived in the US.
ReplyDeleteYou mentioned the North American personal space and rush time, to what I want to add "the seriousness of professionalism.” I fell into this attitude when working for a North American businessperson who owned a company in PR. I had a very important position and I took it very seriously, especially since I knew that very few women occupied this position in PR. Now, our customers were, in its majority, locals. Puertorricans tend to be very friendly, laid back, casual people. They do not tend to take things seriously, unless they have to, especially when they are not working. Well, I was walking down a path one morning and a customer stopped me, extended his hand as to give me something. I extended mine to accept what he was giving me. To my surprise, it was a quarter. I asked him what this was for? Moreover, he said,"with all due respect, you are a very pretty woman, and I know you have a very important position in this business, but if I give you a quarter, will you smile for me?” I was in shock and embarrassed. I said he did not have to pay me for a smile, I laughed. He then told me, “smile sometimes, it will do you good and it will make someone else feel good too, because you have a pretty smile”.
This experience also made me think about the way other people see me, the first impression, and how it can affect them. I am a catholic woman, no matter where I am, at work, at home, in school, in church. I know I am called to project a Christ like spirit so other can see Him in our world. I just did not realize a smile could be all that it would take to make someone feel good. Maybe a smile can also project His love and care, solidarity and affection towards others, our human family, and God’s children. I do not have to tell you that today I smile, a lot, FREE, no matter whom I see. In addition, when I am with the people I serve, at work, my neighbors, and family, I hug or give a pat on the shoulder to let them know that they are my family, my Christian family. I hope you enjoyed my story, as I enjoyed yours. Stay strong in your faith and in your missionary spirit. We are all called to be missionaries, one way, or another. Feel blessed and know I will be praying for you.
So how are you giving saludos and despedidas now days? Nelly negonzal@uiwtx.edu